Being a parent is one of the biggest challenges in life. You’re responsible to offer another human being the most comfortable and happiest childhood that will later lead to peaceful and healthy adolescence and even more enjoyable teenage years. Every little action you do on your parenting journey will leave permanent consequence on your child. Many parents are not aware of that, which is why they can easily make detrimental mistakes that can scar children for life. That’s why today we have prepared a list of common parenting mistakes that you should avoid so that your child would have the best environment to grow in.
Trying to Be Their Friends
Many parents think that if they try to be their kids’ friends, they’ll do their best parenting work. The truth is rather different. While you’re not supposed to look like the big bad wolf, you’re also not supposed to act as if you and your child are equals. You as a parent need to be authoritative and make the rules that children need to respect. Otherwise, they’ll feel as if they’re just as powerful as you are, and you’ll have no chance of controlling their actions or tantrums. We’re not trying to say that you should never act friendly, share your experiences and make your children feel comfortable to share their secrets with you. You should do all of that. However, there needs to be a line that separates a parent as an authority in the house and a buddy parent.
You Don’t Listen to Them
Communication is the key to every healthy relationship. That includes the one between a child and a parent. That’s why you should do your best to always listen to your child when they have something to say. No matter how insignificant it may seem to you, to them it’ll mean the world. Knowing that they always have your undivided attention will be crucial for their healthy development. Unless you pay attention to what they say because you’re busy, or your attention span can’t keep up with both them and what you’re doing at the moment, your children will interpret that as you not carrying about them. Little by little, they’ll drift apart and stop telling you things they used to. That will only lead to them feeling lonely and like they don’t have someone to rely on. You should always find time for your children no matter how busy you are. Feel free to ask them on your own whether something interesting happened at school, or if maybe they have a new crush. Knowing you want to be involved with their lives will create a stronger bond between you.
Not Letting Them Out of Your Sight
On the other hand, we have parents who’re overly focused on their children. Not a moment goes by that they don’t know what their kids are up to and if they’re all well. That’s also not a very good parenting strategy. You cannot have your child inside this bubble where you’ll always be on a lookout. That can prevent them from socializing and becoming independent one day. You need to be able to let them go to a childcare centre near you without you staying in front of the facility for half an hour making sure they’re okay. Every parent worries throughout their lives, but that must not make you hover over your child. Eventually, they’ll feel suffocated and won’t have the slightest chance of growing into a self-sufficient adult. They need to be able to make their decisions by themselves and you need to let them make a mistake. We learn best from our mistakes and unless you let them trip from time to time, they’ll never be able to fly on their own.
Being Too Strict
Every child needs to know what the rules of the house are, and that they need to do well in school. However, many parents are not aware of the fact that they’re throwing the child right into the harm’s way by setting too strict rules. Not every mistake needs to be punishable and you shouldn’t yell at them if they break something by accident. That can only traumatize them for life and make them feel like they have to do everything right. Nobody is perfect, but making them strive towards flawless grades and achievements can be counterproductive. That’s why your criteria need to be realistic and you need to let your kids make their own dreams and work towards making those happen.
Playing Good Cop, Bad Cop
More often than not, parents will without any genuine intention pose as the strict and a more lenient parent. Those roles will come naturally to either of the parents, but that can be very detrimental for the parent-child relationship. If, for example, one parent decides to round the child for misbehaving, the other one should respect the decision. Undermining the authority of another parent will instantly show the child who’s the boss, and they’ll immediately find strategies to manipulate the less strict parent. Instead of doing what we just described you should agree with the decision of the parent who enforced the punishment. If you don’t agree with the decision, work it out elsewhere and when the child isn’t present. You need to be a team when you’re together because that’s the only way you’ll be able to control your child’s behaviour and teach them how to behave.
Final Thoughts
Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual, because there are no universal rules for how to raise a child. However, the situations we’ve mentioned earlier are some of the most common ones that every parent goes through at least once. Knowing how to present yourself as an authority around the house but without making the child feel intimidated by you is the best recipe for being a great parent. All you have to do is find that thin line between looking like the scariest guy in the neighbourhood and the most lenient person alive. It won’t be easy, but we’ll sure our tips will help you raise a lovely child.
